Richard Simmons Attacks JuOhCho!
by Kumachannanoda
Summary: What happens when everyone starts watching Richard Simmons excersize tapes? What will Hisoka do? Crossdressing, Cosplaying, spendex and more inside! This story is somthing I wrote while on caffeine! Flames will be gladly accepted and fed to Baboo! I am no


Richard Simmons Attacks Ju Oh Cho!

Hisoka walked exhaustedly down the halls of Ju Oh Cho, Tatsumi had called him and told him he needed to be in as soon as possible.

'I may be dead, but I do need sleep!' Hisoka thought, grumbling to himself. Tatsumi had said that they should all meet in the lounge room, so he assumed they were having some sort of meeting.

Opening the door, Hisoka almost died again at the sight he saw... Everyone was in spandex shorty shorts and tank tops dancing to a Richard Simmons tape! (Tsuzuki, Tatsumi, Watari, Chief Konoe, Saya, Yuma, Wakaba, Terazuma, and The two Gushoshin brothers) Hisoka shuddered as they all bended over, following the tape. Tsuzuki spotted him through his legs and grinned.

"Soka-Chan! You Came! Your excersize clothes are on the chair over there!" Tsuzuki gestured to neon spandex shorty shorts and a tight tank top.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING! AND KONOE COVER YOURSELF UP YOU'RE KILLING MY BRAIN!" Hisoka covered his eyes. trying to erase the image of the old man in spandex.

"Come on! Join us! Its so fun! This Richard Simmons guy is awsome!" Gushoshin elder said. (Nothing like chicken things in spandex to start off your day!)

"Richard... Simmons?" Hisoka stared, wide eyed.

"Yep! Come on Bon! And a one and a two!" Watari put his hands on his hips and started bending from side to side.

"And a one and a two!" Everyone chimed in, copying what Watari did. Hisoka stared, amazed at their stupidness.

He then ran out of the room. 'I need a doctor! A very crazy and good doctor!' He then teleported out.

Hisoka came back to Ju Oh Cho with a certain mad doctor named Muraki, skipping behind him singing about Tsuzuki dressed in a nurses outfit.

"Im surrounded by idiots" Hisoka whispered to himself. He stopped by the door and opened it, shoved Muraki in, and closed it.

He heard voices, crashes, ice cream truck jingles, babies crying, dogs barking, chainsaws and pencil sharperners. It soon became quiet and Hisoka figured Muraki had calmed the monkies down. He slowly opened the door and almost cried in frustration.

Everyone including the mad doctor Muraki had fallen asleep on a large pink blanket and they were all wearing... Dun Dun Dun

FRENCH MAID UNIFORMS!

"What is going on here!" Hisoka yelled.

Suddenly Richard Simmons appeared before him in all of his creepy glory. "Hahahahahahaha! I have tricked you Hisoka! Now first... what size shoe are you?"

"What?" Hisoka asked dumfounded, not only were his coworkers and Muraki dressed in maid outfits, Richard Simmons was standing in front of him wearing a cape.

"I think an 8 will do you just fine! And a one and a two!" Mr. Simmons did a very odd dance and suddenly Hisoka was wearing a Sailor Moon outfit, complete with the boots, short skirt, and bows.

Alright, Hisoka was BEYOND pissed at this point. If looks could kill, Richard Simmons would be suffering a very slow and painful death.

"Now come with me Sailor Moon, if you want your precious Tuxedo Mask to save you he shall have to decipher my challenging map to rescue his damsel in distress! Hahahahaha!" Mr. Simmons did another one of his wierd dances and Tsuzuki who was still asleep was now cosplayed as Tuxedo Mask.

"What the heck?... Hey you creep get your hands off of me!"

Muraki opened his eyes, and his dream had come true, Tsuzuki was asleep close to him looking very sexy dressed as Tuxedo Mask.

Getting closer to Tsuzuki with his lips puckered looking more like a demented fish than a human, Muraki was about to ahem, do somthing to Tsuzuki when the amethyst eyed man snapped his eyes open.

"AHHHH! MOLESTATION!" Tsuzuki whapped Muraki across they head, making him cower behind Konoe's large belly.

"How cruel hearted" Muraki whimpered and watched as Tsuzuki inspected his cosplay outfit.

Looking to the right, Tsuzuki noticed a note with a rose next to it, picking it up he noticed it was written with crayons with little hearts and rainbows on it. It read:

Deer Tucsedo Mask.

I hav tolken yer presios Salour moon (Hisoka) if you want her bac cume too mi trii hoose.

Richy Simmons

"Hey! He took Hisoka! And he left a rose! A ROSE! My trademark!" Tsuzuki growled, thinking he was actully Tuxedo Mask.

"What are you talking about! Roses are MY trademark! You're just cosplaying! Very prettily, I might add though..." Muraki grinned.

"Well, Richard Simmons is just a big poopy butt!" Tsuzuki crossed his arms and pouted. "But... teehee but, but hahahahahaha! I'm so funny! I have to go save Soka-Chan!" Tsuzuki promptly ran out of the room singing 'Spider Man'.

"He's singing the wrong song!" Muraki cried, comic anime tears falling down his face.

"I TOLD you! I! AM! NOT! DOING! THAT!" Hisoka crossed his arms and glared, still dressed as Sailor Moon.

"Pleeeeease! Just Once! Just once twirl around with the staff!" Mr. Simmons threw himself to the floor and hugged Hisoka's legs.

"Woah! Woah! Woah! Too close for comfort!" Hisoka yelled and using his heeled boot, kicked Richard off of him.

"Patooey! Sailor Moon is becoming a meanie!" Richard crossed his arms over his chest, grumbling.

"STOP CALLING ME SAILOR MOON!" Hisoka reached for his gun, but remembered he was wearing a fricken skirt and his hand landed on bare skin.

Hisoka was even more furious at Richard now, he looked down to see the staff lying on the ground next to him, slowly picking it up he held it out in front of him.

"Yay! Sailor Moon is gonna dance! Yay yay!" Richard clapped his hands giddily, grinning.

"Ohhhh, you'll see me dance alright. You'll see me dance right out of this room after I beat the crap out of you!" And with that, Hisoka banged Mr. Simmons on the head with the staff, knocking him out and quickly running out of the room.

Tsuzuki ran franticly, his black cape flying behind him as he followed the map carelessly drawn by Richard Simmons on the back of the letter.

He was in the living world now, and people were giving him odd looks as he ran through the crowded streets of Tokyo.

He followed the map until he was standing in front of... Toys 'R' Us.

Hisoka ran out of the room and found he was surrounded by toys... and little kids.

"Just kill me again" Hisoka mumbled to himself as he walked in embaressment out of the store.

He sighed in relief when he saw Tsuzuki, dressed as Tuxedo Mask, but all was good...

... Or not. Hisoka looked down and noticed he was standing on an air grate and was about to pull a total Marylin Monroe with his short Sailor Moon skirt.

"Hisoka... why are you wearing a thong?" Tsuzuki tried to act inside, but he was grinning like the Chesire Cat.

Hisoka's face turned tomato red and he clenched his fists at his sides and stomped his heeled foot. "SHUT UP! ITS THAT FREAKS DAMN SPELL THING!"

Tsuzuki nodded knowingly, a grin still plastered on his masked face. He pulled Hisoka off of the grate and poked him cutely on the nose.

"Lets go home Sailor Moon" Tsuzuki picked Hisoka up bridal style earning a few curse words from the boy.

EPILOGUE

Tsuzuki walked into Hisoka's apartment casually, using the key the eternally 16 year old boy had given him. He saw Hisoka tossing tapes into his small fireplace. "What are you doing?" He wondered.

"Im throwing away all the Richard Simmons tapes I found at the office, I dont want to ever see an American celebrity again... And I sure as heck aint crossdressing again" Hisoka answered, pushing himself off of the floor and walking into the kitchen, annoncing he would make tea.

Nodding, Tsuzuki flopped himself on Hisoka's recliner and flipped on the TV, unfortunatly it was on the american channel. 'The Price is Right' was on. Looking down in fear, Tsuzuki saw he was wearing an Inuyasha costume.

Bob Barker appeared in front of Tsuzuki. "AHHHHHHH! ITS BOB BARKER!" He yelled.

Holding up the microphone to his mouth, Mr. Barker extended his arm to the kitchen door. "Heeeeeeeeeere's Kagome!"

Owari...


End file.
